My pastor realized she could not help me anymore and suggested a more qualified therapist was what I needed. Following Frank’s death my sadness spiraled into clinical depression. A bone-aching sadness was how I described it. The laughter and playfulness was drained from my life like water drained from a colander.
One would think the hardest part of my day would be dinner time or even crawling into an empty bed. But I had survived seven months of loneliness while Frank was recuperating in the hospital. After my darling succumbed to his injuries sustained in our accident, the grieving began.
Shopping at Publix had been a real joy for Frank and me. We created our list and off we went. Sometimes we stayed together, Frank enjoyed pushing the cart. Other times he would venture off and I would find him in his favorite aisle – the cookie aisle as we called it.
I realized I was in big trouble when I could barely bring myself to go grocery shopping. I would sit in the car and sob – sometimes uncontrollably. In I would wander, swollen eyelids wiped momentarily. Grabbing a cart and hanging on for dear life I resembled a zombie. Each step was agonizing. As I approached the cookie aisle the crying would begin. Out came the Kleenex.
My therapist gave me a brilliant suggestion. The next time I entered Publix, instead of pushing the cart to the right I was to start on the far left of the store. Lo and behold, the suggestion worked. My pattern had been broken. In fact, I traveled aisle by aisle, each step becoming easier. Suddenly having found myself in the middle of the cookie aisle, I started to laugh out loud. I’m sure Frank was laughing with me.
BB [second left] laughs out loud with friends.
B.B. Gould is a nationally certified, state licensed massage therapist. A long- time resident of tropical North Miami Beach, Florida she worked as a biology teacher and later, a media specialist before entering her current field of Reiki Energy Work, Geriatric Massage, Hot Stone Massage, and Lymphatic Drainage Therapy. Known as the “punster” her hobbies include singing, gardening, swimming, golfing and public speaking. She hosts the workshops, Chakra Energy Balancing, What Jesus Taught Us About Healing, and Bringing Healing Back Into The Church. Website www.massageoasis.com
Circle of Friends, International 
BB, I love the way you have taken what might have been a debilitating experience and with deliberate intention turned it into a positive outcome on a challenging journey; sharing with us an important life lesson. I must also say, I love the graphic imagery and the personal connection any reader can make with the ritual of shopping with a loved one. I also love the texture of the phrase, “Lo and behold.” I read it with a big smile as it reminds me of my Jamaican vernacular spiced with similar linguistic flavors. Thanks for sharing & enlightening us BB.
Amazing how just making one seemingly small, simple change in our routine and/or our way of thinking can have such a profoundly positive impact on our overall well being. It is a call for us all to review our zombie like approach to life and make the simple adjustments that will create renewed joy in our lives.
Ah, it is so important for us to try to refresh ourselves despite the challenges we face and open up to the possibilities that each day brings.